What Mom Taught Me About Taylor Swift
This week’s edition deals with people. Those weirdos that inhabit the Earth alongside us. While I like working by myself in solitude, sometimes even I have to work with people.
We think of growing up as something that happens from adolescence to adulthood, but we will continue to grow up as we make our way through our creative careers. The biggest part about growing up is getting wise to the fact that other people around you might not share the same goals in life. Or they simply might not support your efforts because you trigger a part of them that is unsettled.
One term I heard recently is called the “Candle-Blower-Outer” type1, the person who doesn’t want you to succeed and will be a Debbie Downer any time you show them what you’re working on.
The way you grow up in this situation is to let these people go. If you can’t let them go completely, then don’t grant them admission to the theatre that you operate in. Whatever you do, don’t work to please and appease these people. It’s only going to take away from doing your Most Creative Work, and the world will suffer as a result.
My mom seems to know the entertainment industry quite well. She studies it like an academic from the kitchen table. When we talked about why Taylor Swift is so successful recently, mom’s opinion is that she seems to be careful who she hangs out with. She drops bad boyfriends that cause trouble or attract bad attention, which is enough to flatline a celebrity’s career.
I found such wisdom in this hot take. Look at how many celebrities and artists get taken down for other reasons (drugs), simply by the choice of who they associate with?
And the lesson is that growing up is about choosing your people wisely.
They say that you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. This doesn’t mean you have to surround yourself with people who are successful or bold. Because some people’s strength lies in being empathetic or caring and this is just as good a trait to look for in friends and partners.
So the big question is, how do you know when to drop someone?
Your body will tell you.
It becomes so heavy, so uneasy. There is no peace when this person is operating. They are a vampire, unconscious, driven by their ego. Everything is about their perspective, their need to be heard and appreciated. Simple situations take on a personal meaning and debates go on forever. These are the Least Creative People, sucking you away from doing your best work like a giant magnet in a cartoon.
The Most Creative people come from a place of spirit instead. They work for the collective. When they are out of motivation, they will give it a shot anyways and take one for the team. If the work doesn’t turn out well they will be non-judgemental and understand that this work is a process and not a result.
That crappy song you wrote or painting that really does suck is not a hit to your ego when you don’t operate from a place of ego in the first place. In other words, The Most Creative People are generous, always willing to give more of themselves, expecting nothing in return.
You can only have a healthy relationship with your Most Creative Work when you have healthy relationships in your life. It usually never works out well with toxic people. The earlier you see it and learn to act on it, the better.
Sorry if this is difficult information for you to take but I’d rather speak the truth than hold it back.
Thank you for reading, in my other newsletter this past weekend (yes I write two substacks and I love it), I shared my newest piece of music which you can read below.
P.s. What if you can’t drop someone completely? Then don’t engage them when the debates that they’re famous for start. Learn about how to set boundaries. Work with a trained professional who knows how to handle toxic people and can give you strategies for managing them. You are a good person, dear reader, and we need to continue to find each other in this chaotic world.
This term the candle-blower-outer originates from Brené Brown